ALLIANCE
FOR CITIZENS RIGHTS
ALLIANCE
FOR CITIZENS RIGHTS
Taxes To Government Is Like Corn To A Hog
by Ken Freeman
"Can a Hog ever get enough?" A voice said in a slow Alabama drawl. "That's what you ought to be askin'."
I looked around and there were Bubba and Shorty sitting at the table behind me. I was in Irene's Resturant in Morgan City having lunch and working on an article I was writing entitled "Education Funding - the Excuse For Destroying Our Constitution."
Bubba said it again, "Can a hog ever get enough?"
Shorty interrupted the thought, "We been reading your articles on the constitution and we decided you need some help. Yeah, you got to learn how to make it plainer. Not everybody understan's them fancy words like we do. And you use too many big numbers... makes a feller's head go plum fuzzy to think that many."
"The world is full of critics," I thought. But they seemed truly concerned and it wasn't Southern hospitality to turn down a friendly offer of help. "What do you suggest?" I asked cautiously.
"Well," said Bubba, "the way we see it... big government is like a hog."
"You see," interrupted Shorty, "they is two types of people in the world. Them that pays taxes and them that lives offen the tax money."
"Yeah," Bubba chipped in, "It's like feedin' hogs."
I laid down my fork and started to pay attention. I was beginning to like these boys. "How do you mean?"
"Wel-l-l you see," said Shorty, "you can't never feed a hog enough. The more they eat, the bigger they get. The bigger they get, the more they eat. And what they can't digest just passes right on through and gets turned into poop-a-ganda. Taxes to a government is like corn to a hog. Does a hog ever act grateful? Nope. A hog only wants more corn. Does he care how hard you worked to grow that corn? Nope. There ain't no such thing as a grateful hog or a grateful government neither. Yesterday don't count. All they care about is what's in their trough today... and what they want fer tomorrow. People don't call it ‘lard-gess’ and ‘pork barrel’ fer nothin'."
Bubba placed a large calloused finger next to a number on my outline. "Look at this here. You use waaay too many numbers. Like you talkin' 'bout 4.2 billion dollars in the Education Trust Fund. Folks can't get a holt of numbers that big. Jus' say 'education spending is four times as high as it was twenty years ago,' and mention how it's up over twenty five percent in just the last five years."
I could see now that Alabama politics was more difficult than I had believed.
"You need to make people understan' -- our constitution has GOT TO BE DEFENDED," said Bubba earnestly, "cause our constitution is doin' what it's suppose' to do. It's a holdin’ um back on raisin' taxes. Right now we get to vote on property tax increases and we keep voting against 'em. 'at’s what's got them hogs to squealin’."
"You mean that the 'will of the people' is being confirmed," I queried.
"Don't he talk funny?" Shorty snickered.
Bubba continued, "Yeah, we keep votin' um down, but they keep comin' right back. Seems like they never get tired of tryin' to lay a big tax on somebody elses' land. All they care 'bout is more taxes. And they can waste money lot's faster than we can make it. And it don’t make no difference to our kids education anyhow. If money was all that mattered, our kids would be four times as smart as they was twenty years ago. But we know that ain't so."
"Yeah, enough is enough," chipped in Shorty.
"Take this here section," said Bubba, as he stabbed my paper with a used fork. "'bout the number of teachers going from 41,000 to 47,150 in the last few years, while the total number of kids in school is down by 9,000... and 'bout Alabama schools havin' a seventeen-to-one student to teacher ratio... and how our teachers, accordin' to the Huntsville Times, are nineteenth in the nation in teacher salaries based on the cost o' livin'. That's way too many numbers! Jus' say that the number of teachers is up and the number of kids is down. Any fool should know that means we got all the teachers we need. And if our teachers don't like the salary then there's teachers from thirty-one other states that wish they had it so good. Then tell them 'bout this feller Richardson, our State Superintendent o' Schools. Did you know that he's the second highest paid state superintendent in the whole U-S-of-A?! Why they pay him as much as a good college football coach."
"The difference is," Shorty chimed in, "if a football coach don't organize his team and start winin' some games, he gets canned double quick. But what did them rewrite fellers try to do? They tried to change the constitution so he can't get fired."
"Well what about this?" I asked, pointing to another section. "Did you know that when our students enter the first grade they are the best prepared children among all the twenty three so called 'advanced nations of the world'? Yet, by the time they have spent 12 years in our government schools, they have fallen to 19th out of 23. The facts are that our American mothers are statistically doing a far better job of preparing their own children than the socialist methods used by other nations they were tested against. Knowing this, these education elitists still want to place our babies in their socialist style daycare centers. Their program, called 'Kids Stuff,' would cost Alabama taxpayers over 300 million more dollars a year."
"Just say that if the problem ain't the amount of money and it ain't the number of teachers and it ain't the quality of our teachers, cause I know a lot of them, and they are a fine dedicated bunch, then it must be because our teachers ain't bein' allowed to teach um the right things."
"Yeah, the Federal Government is makin’ um fill their heads with all that politically correct stuff," chimed in Shorty, "and that ain't gonna get the job done in the real world. They need to be taught readin' and writin' and 'rithmitic... and things like history. Why, they don't even teach Alabama history after the forth grade no more. How are they gonna unnerstan' what makes Alabama and America great and learn 'bout our constitution if they never even study our history? They need to be learnin' how to be red-blooded Americans instead of learnin' to be like them sheeples at the United Nations."
"Thanks fellows, that pretty well takes care of my list." I said.
"No it don't. We ain’t even talked about them college fellers yet," Bubba grunted.
He stabbed my outline again. "Why look here Alabama has got 43 colleges and universities with a total of 67 college campuses. Why, that's one campus for every county in our state and that is just way too many. But that ain't the worst part. The real trouble is the way them burecrats has got it rigged with a complete set of 'ad-mini-trators' for each and every one of them 67 campuses. We could hire a whole herd of new teachers for what we waste on all these bunches of fellers doin' the same job in 67 different places. Our colleges are so top heavy they're bleedin' money away from our kids. But do they cut back? No! They jus' demand more money. They claim it's for the kids but it ain't. Not any more. It's for them, and for them fat cats in their unions."
"Yeah," said Shorty, "every time you read about one of them college presidents in the newspaper or see them union people on TV... it's always the same. Them little pink piggies is just a squealin' - 'We-we-we-we want more money,' and our 1901 Constitution is keepin’um from getting it." Shorty laughted out loud, greatly amused at himself.
"Well, we got to go. We ain't got time to learn you about all that today," Bubba concluded.
"Hey, I have a great idea," I interjected. "Why don't you two write my article for me. That way people could really understand what is going on in our state and see why we need to defend our constitution."
They looked at each other as if I had insulted them. Then they both rose to leave.
"We got work to do before sundown," Shorty said as he turned to go. Then he paused a moment in reflection, "No, we can't do it for you. You will just have to figure it out for yourself. Besides," he said earnestly, "we is part of the silent majority."
"Be seein’ you," Bubba said over his shoulder as they walked away.
I sat for a moment in silence. Then I drew a big "X" across my outline and reached for a clean sheet of paper.
"Can a hog ever get enough?" I scribbled across the top of the page.
Kenneth Freeman
Chairman, Alliance For Citizens Rights
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